Bloodhound Gang

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I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert
That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love.
It had been a while.
In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went
since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10.
I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons
through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops.
Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips,
milky white skin and baby blue eyes.
name was Russell.


Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'


Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave",
this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls
like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.
Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin',
‘cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer."
Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern,
and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask
as I do my little kooky dance.
And then she told me to shush.
I guess she could sense my desperation.
‘Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.


Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'


So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.
So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ
is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole
with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something
resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?"
Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later
I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.
Got the nailer back at her trailer.
Heh. That rhymes.
I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on
when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula.


Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'


Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch,
gave the tranny a spin and slid on into
The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.
There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb",
when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton.
Well, my heart just dropped.
So, I decided to do what any good Christian would.
You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice
and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five
in an eighteen-wheeler.
I never thought missing children could be so sexy.
Did I say that out loud?


Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Jimmy Pop's not a pooper not a pauper but a popper
And I got more pop than Orville Redenbacher
And I got more gravy than the whole Gravy Train
When I'm kooky going loopy like a man insane
I won't be around when the world ends
So the only thing that I'll recycle is your girlfriend
Aww back to the side I jump up I swing
When I'm using Knockem' Sockem' ya know I'm playing it to win
The Nina the Pinta the Santa Maria
See you later salamander cause I wouldn't want to be ya
I'm a chip I'm a Pringle cause you know I gots the flavor
Pop me up in your mouth like I was a Life Saver
Ain't got no soul but I got more than Don Henley
I'm whiter than Casper but I'm not that friendly
Marco Polo you tried to fly solo
Make your thoughts vocal I'll put ya in a choke hold

One way or another I'm gonna find ya I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha
One way or another I'm gonna find ya I'm gonna getcha I'll getcha

I'm a gangster no I'm a gangster bitch
Your momma gave me head your girlie gave me the itch
So scratch it 'til the bass beats fast listen to the shotgun blast
In the oven you'll get burned or in the tank that you'll get gassed
Fake-o like Bacos never mistake though
Showing up painted up fresh from Macco
Now I'm coming in in stereo rounder than a Cheerio
Quick to fill your fix and I'm dizzier than a merry-go
Rock this obnoxious I'm truly not nice
Cause I'm blood sucking evil like Muppets On Ice
Arriba arriba I'm the under achiever
Gonna Leave It To Beaver I'm the Daydream Believer
I'm like Mothra man with my big wingspan
And your the mother fucking Jap that killed my offspring Chan
I'm a Menace To Society I'm gonna fill the prophecy
First I'll drink your Genesee and then I'll take your liberty

One way or another I'm gonna find ya I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha
One way or another I'm gonna find ya I'm gonna getcha I'll getcha

Di Di Mao
You burn village down
You bring family over we all Wang Chung

I'm a tarantula in your Chiquita
And when you're peeling back the skin I'm gonna see ya
I'm gonna bite ya I'm gonna bite ya
I'm Jimmy Pop I'll tell you straight up I don't like ya
Cause I'm cold kicking lyrics till the day I die
Many fail to copy but at least they still try
Busting up vocabulary is what I do most
I'm gonna spread your legs like butter and gobble ya up like toast
You went for the cherry you went bobbing for the apple
But the apple it be rotten and you had to eat the scrappple
Scrapple? Pig meat from a pig pen hog leftovers your girlfriend
So I flex to the effects and I don't care what nobody thinks
I'm eating up your sherbert and dropping all your Tiddiley Winks
Whoops goes my arm I think it's outta socket
Come over little girlie I got some candy in my pocket

One way or another I'm gonna find ya I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha
One way or another I'm gonna find ya I'm gonna getcha I'll getcha

The only thing going down in this car is the windo 'cause your pussy stank!

I get bombed much like Pearl Harbor
The price is white right and I'm Bob Barker
This is your brain on drugs
This is your brain on Jackie Onassis
All you crotch goblins can kiss our asses
Yes siree Bob like corn on the cob
I'm all buttered up ready to hob nob
Daddy is a kraut you're Nazi-occupied France
I'm gonna rise to the occasion inside my pants
So yo ass yea you I want to Fraggle Rock your girlie
Coming around the party coming around like Mr. Furley
I'm Mr. Furley you're Jack Tripper
You're dumb ass Gilligan and I'm the Skipper
Tiptoe through my tulips and come and frolic
Cause my name is Betty Ford and she's an alcoholic
So here I am Rock Me Like A Hurricane
Not a Scorpion but my sting will bring your dame a lot of pain
And Daddy's gonna tell ya I'm as cool as Jack The Ripper
Somewhat of a cut-throat but still a big tipper
As I tickle you pink I bet my fingers start to stink
I'm what's missing from your life and you're the missing link
It doesn't matter how you win or lose it's how you lick it....
No rest for the wicked

Get down drink it up bring it on take it off

Flips it up in the air like my name was Bob Barker
I always kicks it cold so I gotta wear my parka
Leaving down my marker stalking like a stalker
Using the Force like my name was Luke Skywalker
Left hand's on the wheel and the right one on the bottle
One foot in the grave and the other on the throttle
I'm floating through your atmosphere like the Comet Haley's
As freaky as a freak show call me Barnum and Bailey
So yo ho my Cheerio here I'm coming around the bend
Don't try to shake my hand I'm not your fucking friend
Bodyslam ya to the ground like I was captain Lou Albano
Hit ya in the balls til you're singing soprano
Slide to the dance floor groove til you get sore
Listen to the tiger's roar I'll pump you like a seesaw
I'm a tattooed demon do you catch my meaning
Think that you're dreaming but soon you'll be screaming
I got more senseless violence than a thriller in Manila
Like my hero Gacy I'm a stone cold killer
Got my moves from Thriller I'm Fish you're Barney Miller
I'm spreading out the carnage like I'm Mechagodzilla
Like Jimmy Pop says he's as cool as Jack The Ripper
So take off your panties and kick off your slippers
Do as i say and I will be a big tipper
More smooth moves than my man Jack Tripper

Get down drink it up bring it on take it off

Times New Roman you know the type
Calling me Public Enemy but don't believe the hype
Tough guy like the one in "Star 80" wanna bait me
Hook line sinker now your lady wanna date me
Gave your girl a little wink so you make a big stink
Shoulder's got a chip so you flip like a Tiddlywink
Know what I think? I think you might be Darwin's missing link
Get all bent out of shape when the heat is on just like a Shrinky Dink
Bet I can take a hint better than I can take a hit
Completely incompatible though I'm a pussy and you're a dick
How can you hold a grudge when you can't even hold a job?
Should have known butter but you're not corn on the cob
I choose to use a song for a weapon not a sword struck a chord
If I wanted to see stars I'll watch the "Academy Awards"
That's why I ran like a Flock Of Seagulls why make-up like Mary Kay?
You must've given up on hair plugs 慶ause now you're going toupee

All in all you're just another dick with no balls
All in all you're just another dick with no balls

Mama said talk this out and resolve
Don't wanna be involved so gimme a call when you evolve
Doggy paddle to the shallow end of the gene pool
Half with it half wit half finished high school
Give you a piece of my mind but I know you want it splattered
Heard you like your women like you like your shrimp you like 慹m battered
Wife beater perfectly fitting apparel
Where's your brother Daryl? Where's your other brother Daryl?
Givin' me that Macho Man Randy Savage stare
Wanna snap into a Slim Jim break my limbs but do I care?
No sorry I'm a lover not a fighter commit your crime
I'll be glad to do your girlfriend I'll be glad that you do time
Here's the deal I cop a feel you cop a plea but get the maximum
Now we both got records but the difference is mine's platinum
Definitely showed this yellow bellied wimp limp in your cell now though alone
When you're choking your chicken your chick will be choking on this chicken's
bone

All in all you're just another dick with no balls
All in all you're just another dick with no balls

Right turn Clyde
Right turn Clyde
Right turn Clyde
Right turn Clyde

It goes one two three when I'm kicking the funky lyrics
I'm busting up vocabulary I want you all to hear it
I'm busting up the rhythm 'cause I'm busting up the rhyme
I'm kicking down the stop posts cause I wanna kicks the time
I'm digging down some knowledge cause you know I never hide it
When i'm pulling down your panties 'cause I want to get inside it
Like a boa a boa a boa constrictor
Gonna drop off your drawers shoot straight for your sphincter
I could roll my rhymes but I would be faking
Jimmy Jimmy Pop is not Jamaican
J I double M Y Pop go
I run the show like Don Pardo
With a Bugaloo Bee on the beboo tip
My hit will make you trip cause I'm quadradipped
I'll do the Popeye Pluto I'll freak the funkfazooto
Not Latino what I mean though fuzzy dice like Menudo
Rubber baby buggy's bumpers
Punky's Brewsters now I hump her
With my itsy bitsy teeny weenie shrunken small white peenie
So rinse spit swallow brain blank kinda hollow
Not to deep leap wow oh kinda shallow
Cause we're in your face like Ed Gein
Purple rain purple rain

Mama say mama sa mama cu sa
Mama say mama sa mama cu sa

Naughty by nature and white by choice
And the sound of my voice makes your panties moist
Cause I'm finger lickin' happy like a gay proctologist
So like a dyke with hollow tits I'll rip the mike with hollow tips
Yeah he's in control like Sherman Potter
And I got more balls then the Harlem Globetrotters
Jimmy Pop Jimmy Pop rah rah rah
Mama say mama sa mama cu sa
Now I'm floating out your pipes like a Village People sump pump
I always take a swallow cause you know I never get enough
So batter up Bruce Banner if you think you're going to measure up
You can't be the top dog gotta be the Scooby Pup
Step to the bass drum always gotta have fun
If you add two halves you'll always get the total sum
My steps are correct and my mike is always checked
And when a punk is in effect you know he's gonna get wrecked
I don't want to start no blasphemous rumors
But I think that Sinbad's got a lousy sense of humor
Little children unattended better get my poison candy
Don't care about y'all as long as we feel dandy
And I get the poon from Judy Blume
Mr Hooper's dead so why don't you give me his broom
So come on chickey baby let's go make some noise
What? No I'm not the guy from the Beastie Boys

Mama say mama sa mama cu sa
Mama say mama sa mama cu sa

Why try? I'm that guy
Holden Caulfield from "Catcher In The Rye"
Put away ‘cause he wasn't all there
Like a jigsaw puzzle you might compare
Me to him not a liver but wurst
Been much better off as a still birth
Big let down unparalleled
Like the last episode of "Seinfeld"
Or Jack Lemmon in "Glengarry Glen Ross"
Pepsi Challenge took it lost
Just fizzed out with my wires crossed
Buttons pushed but never went off
Like Martha I will self-destruct
The name's Dunnstock it's not Dumptruck
Just cursed as fuck with no such luck
My future plans include not much

Never gonna be never gonna be never gonna never gonna be
Nothin' more than me
Never gonna be never gonna be never gonna never gonna be
Nothin' more than me
Never gonna be never gonna be never gonna never gonna be
Nothin' more than me
Always gonna be always gonna be always gonna always gonna be
Most likely to suck

Wanna be a Ghostbuster
First black President, owner of "Hustler"
Got shot down like Larry Flynt
Felt like shit like a bowel movement
Have you seen my will to live?
Because I seem to have lost it
Lovelife? No but Mom thinks I'm handsome
Couldn't get off if I held a pimp for ransom
Feel like Jimmy Stewart no one sees my Harvey
Toxic Shock Syndrome gets more girls than me
Like Pee Wee Herman spermin' I can
See the future in the palm of my hand
Psychic Friends, Network loser
Large phone bill in my very near future
Dealt nothing and bluffing hard
Playing poker with a joker and some Uno cards

Never gonna be never gonna be never gonna never gonna be
Nothin' more than me
Never gonna be never gonna be never gonna never gonna be
Nothin' more than me
Never gonna be never gonna be never gonna never gonna be
Nothin' more than me
Always gonna be always gonna be always gonna always gonna be
Most likely to suck

Most likely to suck
Most likely to suck
Most likely to suck
Most likely to suck
Most likely to suck

Hello Frank,
Hello mother dear
Hi, Jim, what are you doin'
I am trying to think of words that rhyme with vagina
Oh... Lima? Like lima beans
How about that, that teenage witch, Sabrina
No, that's a made up-word, Jim
What if you change the word vagina to something else
Like box or pussy or cunt.
No, Jim........

We gonna drop this next bomb for a money makin' playa that ain't with us no mo.
Yeah, Notorious B.I.G.
Hell no, we gonna do this for a gangbanging thug that never seen it comin'.
Yeah, Tupac Shakur.
Nah bitch, I'm talkin' ‘bout motherfuckin' Falco and shit.
What? Falco?

O0o0o Rock me Amadeus
O0o0o Rock me Amadeus
O0o0o Rock me Amadeus
O0o0o Rock me Amadeus

Tried to O.D. on the Cold-Eeze
"Golden Girls" got me "Sweatin' To The Oldies"
Hanging out like Double Ds, sip Long Island Iced Teas
Wrote to Mayor McCheese "Send a Shamrock Shake please!"
Three O' Clock on the dot, time to cruise for Eighth graders
Rather tape the Weather Channel so that I can watch it later
Reruns of Rerun so "What's Happening?"
Dee's knocked up and Rog on crack again
Deep throat a whole Nutty Buddy
Make whoopie to a batch of Silly Putty
Make a Spam and Colgate sandwich and ate it
Go through "National Geographic" and draw panties on the natives
So I like to dance naked in front of my pets
But my cat was inattentive so I sent him U.P.S.
Playin' spin the bottle with my mom
I watch "Cops" with no pants on

Must've blown a fuse nothing's going on
Lamer than the Pope climb the walls like King Kong
Buggin' out like Tori Spelling's eyes
Deader than the parents on a "Party of Five"
Luciano Pavoratti on a treadmill
Not going nowhere slim chance we will
Less hip than Bo Jackson bored like wood
Dick around like Frankie Goes To Hollywood

Relax don't do it when you wanna go to it
Relax don't do it when you wanna cum
Relax don't do it when you wanna go to it
Relax don't do it when you wanna cum

Nowhere to go I can't wake up late
Just sit around and wait for my "Old Spice" to activate
Stalemate jailbait in "My So-Called Life" imprisonment
Amazing what a good breakfast pickles make isn't it?
I like to pretend I'm speed reading
Never lose the sight of the thrill of sneezing
Don't need a shower today just some Brut by "Faberge
Smell the ass of my jeans clean they'll do another day
And I recycle I sniff my own farts
I dial the wrong number hope a conversation starts
I mean I might as well be listenin' to Journey
Givin' myself a mullet hook the Flowbee to the Kirby
Make a prank call pretendin' I'm a mime
Get stuck in traffic just to pass the time
Sent a letter in the mail in Braille to Johnny Quest
Send me back my Etch-A-Sketch

Must've blown, a fuse nothing's going on
Lamer than the Pope, climb the walls like King Kong
Buggin' out like Tori Spelling's eyes
Deader than the parents on a "Party of Five"
Luciano Pavoratti on a treadmill
Not going nowhere slim chance we will
Less hip than Bo Jackson, bored like wood
Dick around like Frankie Goes To Hollywood

Relax don't do it when you wanna go to it
Relax don't do it when you wanna cum
Relax don't do it when you wanna go to it
Relax don't do it when you wanna cum

I'm mighty tighty whitey and I'm smugglin' plums
When you wanna cum
I'm mighty tighty whitey and I'm smugglin' plums
When you wanna cum
I'm mighty tighty whitey and I'm smugglin' plums
When you wanna cum
I'm mighty tighty whitey and I'm smugglin' plums
When you wanna cum


Yo yo yo yo yo! What it is motherfuckers?
Aw shit, here comes Pac-Man.
Hey Pac-Man, what's up?
Me you bitches! I'm high on crack! Wanna freebase?
No Pac-Man drugs are bad!
Nope can't help you man.
Pussies. Whoa! Holy shit!

Must've blown a fuse, nothing's going on
Lamer than the Pope, climb the walls like King Kong
Buggin' out like Tori Spelling's eyes
Deader than the parents on a "Party of Five"
Luciano Pavoratti on a treadmill
Not going nowhere slim chance we will
Less hip than Bo Jackson bored like wood
Dick around like Frankie Goes To Hollywood

Relax don't do it when you wanna go to it
Relax don't do it when you wanna cum
Relax don't do it when you wanna go to it
Relax don't do it when you wanna cum

Holy macaroni
Holy macaroni
Holy macaroni
Holy macaroni

Haha, all right Apollo!
Let's hear it one more time for mister, Gary, Coleman!
Whatcha talk about Willis? That joke is funny everytime I hear it!
Let's put your hands together now, Harlem
For, that's right, Harlem
That's right, get up now, Harlem
For The Blood, hound, Gang!

Yo wassup Apollooo
Everybody say "Ho!"
Get off the stage honkie boys...

The Blood Hounds records called One Fierce Beer Coaster
And on the front of the record theres a picture of a beer coaster
So the record looks like a beer coaster
HO HO HO HO
Thats some funny fuckin shit mother fucker
That shits wack
That shits funny
That shits funny and wack
OH MY GOD HO HO HO

Set your phasers on kill if ya will so catch the feeling
Got your head a pumping a back and forth until it hits the ceiling
Now I'm wheeling dealing stealing Johnny's apple seeds
Slapped you with a baseball bat upside the head until it bleeds
Showing no mercy step like Solomon Grundy
Hit ya with a table leg like I was Ted Bundy
I bludgeoned you you're bloodied you think it's kinda of funny
First I'll take your money and then I'll swipe your honey
Dip slip to the A.M. what is that you're saying?
You think you start praying it's not a game you're playing
Pump one pump two listen to the shotgun blast
I'll blast that sorry ass when you're all outta gas
I freak like Cerebal Palsy I'll get inside your drawers
For alarm there is no cause I funk like Lou Rawls
Basco Roscoe P. Cotrane
I wish I had a membrane so that I could go insane
Red light green light you know I always win this game
You can be my gingerbread and I'll be your candycane

Rang dang diddlela dang a dang baby
Rang dang diddlela dang a dang baby
Rang dang diddlela dang a dang baby
You might say no but I hope you mean maybe

No chance in hell but I could tell you crave me
Frisky from the whiskey and the thrills you gave me
Taste great but less filling so thrilling
Come unannounced like automatic billing
And you can't do nothing as I push your buttons
When I talk you're gonna listen like I'm E.F. Hutton
Like Lionel Richie up All Night Long
Jimmy Pop don't do nobody wrong
Stop flop flip and flop
Panties drop now I'm on top
So wiggle it just a little bit
I won't kiss your ass to get a piece of it
You said you wanted to do it now you're coming around to it
I'm the one that sowed the seed but you're the one that grew it
Take it blow by blow like Reginald Denny
I do it all the time How many?
Many frauleins I'm coming again like Jesus
And when I resurrect I'll be damned if I don't please ya
Our Jimmy Pop that art in hell hear it
Fill me with your Holy Spirit

Rang dang diddlela dang a dang baby
Rang dang diddlela dang a dang baby
Rang dang diddlela dang a dang baby
You might say no but I hope you mean maybe

Einie meanie miney moe
Which of you girls will be my ho'
Cross your fingers grit your teeth
Cause the Bloodhound Gang makes holes in beef
We make holes in beef
We make holes in beef
We make holes in beef
We make holes in beef
So watch your back straight to the attack
I'll spin you around like your name was Pat Sajak
Tag your ass out and no tag backs
You psycho nymphomaniac

Rang dang diddlela dang a dang baby
Rang dang diddlela dang a dang baby
Rang dang diddlela dang a dang baby
You might say no but I hope you mean maybe

I'm going to Africa
Yes, Ma'am, I'm a brick
Was President Lincoln ok?
Mitten.
There's a dog in the vent
Chicken necks?
I pick Ken Griffey Junior
I fell out two times

I'm pedalling backwards
This snowflake tastes like fishsticks
We're a totem pole
Dying tickles
I heard a Frankenstein lives there
She's touching my special area
Go banana!

Ralphie, (Ralphie,)
Get off, (Get off,)
The stage, (The stage,)
Sweetheart. (Sweetheart.)

Oh say can you rock!?

I'm a pop sensation!
I'm a pop sensation!

Salmon gutter!?

I'm Idaho
You smell like dead bunnies
That's where I saw the leprachaun
Fun toys are fun.

Chocolate microscopes
You're not it
That is so nineteen-ninety-one
I bit my tongue!

Ralphie, (Ralphie,)
Get off, (Get off,)
The stage, (The stage,)
Sweetheart. (Sweetheart.)

Oh say can you rock!?

I'm a pop sensation!
I'm a pop sensation!

Yvan eht Nioj
Yvan eht Nioj
Yvan eht Nioj
Yvan eht Nioj
Yvan eht Nioj
Yvan eht Nioj
Yvan eht Nioj
Yvan eht Nioj

My sash says Ultraman!

We are "cop rock" we are screech
We are z. cavaricci
We are laser removed
Tasmanian devil tattoos

We are third string we are puck
We are special people's club
We are the half shirts with
Irreverent spring break top ten lists

We are munsoned we are squat
We are flashing twelve o'clock
We are spread out butt cheeks
Pulled apart so just the air leaks

We are "ishtar" we are tab
We are no right turn on red
We are the moustaches
The beatles grew when they dropped acid

You are the heart dotting "i"
In the word "apologize"
Scribbled drunk on a postcard
Sent from somewhere volcanoes are
I am the heart with no name
Airbrushed on the license plate
Of a subaru that was
Registered in pennsylvania

We are zima we are barf
We are cinderblock yard art
We are baldwin brothers
Not the good one but the others

We are amway we are shemp
We are sir david of brent
We are the queef after
A porn star breaks the gang bang record

You are the heart dotting "i"
In the word "apologize"
Scribbled drunk on a postcard
Sent from somewhere volcanoes are
I am the heart with no name
Airbrushed on the license plate
Of a subaru that was
Registered in pennsylvania

Do you even know what a wawa is?
girl
Do you even know what a wawa is?
Do you even know what a wawa is?
girl
Do you even know what a wawa is?

I'm in a state of p fuckin' a

Hey! Da dee dada dee da da
This is Rip Taylor
Hey there sprinkle genies!
Haha!
Did you know that midgets make up a small percentage of the population?
Hah!
Not half, up to here, HAHA HEY!
Woo
But seriously, don't you think it's time we had a female president?
With big gazooms? Tatee tattoo tees?
Tatta ta too tatas?
Baba bing bangs?
Big jugs, get it?
Hello Dolly
Is this microphone on? Hello? Anybody out there can they hear me?
Somebody call my agent, my hair is lifting!
Please, what am I doing here?
You're probably saying to yourself
"Why the HELL would a comedic virtuoso like, Rip Taylor,
want anything to do with those half-witted white trash crotch
goblins The Bloodhound Gang?"
Oh! Well listen folks, the answer is very simple..
Haha... American cashito, dollareenies, no cheques!
They paid me you hiney hopper why else?
Oh I'm getting moist!
I mean come on, let's face it kids, pardon me... but they are
a bunch of knuckleheads!

Hey! Da dee dada dee da da
This is Rip Taylor
Hey there sprinkle genies!
Haha!
Did you know that midgets make up a small percentage of the population?
Hah!
Not half, up to here, HAHA HEY!
Woo
But seriously, don't you think it's time we had a female president?
With big gazooms? Tatee tattoo tees?
Tatta ta too tatas?
Baba bing bangs?
Big jugs, get it?
Hello Dolly
Is this microphone on? Hello? Anybody out there can they hear me?
Somebody call my agent, my hair is lifting!
Please, what am I doing here?
You're probably saying to yourself
"Why the HELL would a comedic virtuoso like, Rip Taylor,
want anything to do with those half-witted white trash crotch
goblins The Bloodhound Gang?"
Oh! Well listen folks, the answer is very simple..
Haha... American cashito, dollareenies, no cheques!
They paid me you hiney hopper why else?
Oh I'm getting moist!
I mean come on, let's face it kids, pardon me... but they are
a bunch of knuckleheads!

Baby
Yeah
The first time I saw you darling I knew I was in love
Tell her Daddy
The way you took your wheelchair up that handicap ramp
Mmm, it's a mind blower
But now baby I miss ya I miss ya
I miss all the times we played Marco Polo in the pool
Oh yeah
Hide and go seek beneath the sheets
Oh yeah
And just the smell of the oil in your wheelchair
I remember the day I saw you hobbling
A Weeble Wobbling you had a problem
You didn't have any legs just a smile and some stumps
No smelly feet a torso to hump
No baby love yeah that's what we'd be making
Ride you like a Sit and Spin until your stumps started aching
Spin you around yeah roll you near yeah
Turn you upside down to hold my beer

You ain't got no legs but I love you just the same oh baby
You ain't got no legs but I love you just the same

They say nothing beats a great pair of legs but somehow
Baby the day you walked out of my life there's nothing
I wanted more than, than for you to come crawling back to me
When we started going together people said they couldn't believe it
That I could be so happy with a quadriplegic
We would wake up real early and you could make me some eggs mmm
Girl I didn't care if you ain't got no legs
I loved you for you and you loved me for me oh yeah
Wasn't really hard for those more fortunate to see
That the first time we made love it was such a wonderful feeling
The way the suspension wires held you 'cross the ceiling
When you rolled out of my life
My heart just broke
I can still hear the noise of the squeaks in your spokes

You ain't got no legs but I love you just the same oh baby
You ain't got no legs but I love you just the same

Baby
Yeah
The first time I saw you darling I knew I was in love
Tell her Daddy
The way you took your wheelchair up that handicap ramp
Mmm, it's a mind blower
But now baby I miss ya I miss ya
I miss all the times we played Marco Polo in the pool
Oh yeah
Hide and go seek beneath the sheets
Oh yeah
And just the smell of the oil in your wheelchair
I remember the day I saw you hobbling
A Weeble Wobbling you had a problem
You didn't have any legs just a smile and some stumps
No smelly feet a torso to hump
No baby love yeah that's what we'd be making
Ride you like a Sit and Spin until your stumps started aching
Spin you around yeah roll you near yeah
Turn you upside down to hold my beer

You ain't got no legs but I love you just the same oh baby
You ain't got no legs but I love you just the same

They say nothing beats a great pair of legs but somehow
Baby the day you walked out of my life there's nothing
I wanted more than, than for you to come crawling back to me
When we started going together people said they couldn't believe it
That I could be so happy with a quadriplegic
We would wake up real early and you could make me some eggs mmm
Girl I didn't care if you ain't got no legs
I loved you for you and you loved me for me oh yeah
Wasn't really hard for those more fortunate to see
That the first time we made love it was such a wonderful feeling
The way the suspension wires held you 'cross the ceiling
When you rolled out of my life
My heart just broke
I can still hear the noise of the squeaks in your spokes

You ain't got no legs but I love you just the same oh baby
You ain't got no legs but I love you just the same

Eventide rise for ritual
With the thrill of a kill vengefully the engine will
Roar forth steer the dead leave forced
Driven by fear shift gears veer towards
The foolishly equipped swift these
Failed bids breathed taillights from the crypt
Reflect upon the way beyond redemption
Let the necronometer beckon for the destined
Blessed when first lent sin then condemned to bear the burden
Of this curse the consequence of which can never be averted
Each tormented attempt that is made in vain
To evade this debt which is certain to be paid
Without question is met with a counterclocked surge
In reverse as if backmasked words of the black mass were
All heard by a clutch engaged
Over trails blazed to the western gates

Heaven may be running on empty yet the devil rides
Heaven may be running on empty yet the devil rides
Heaven may be running on empty yet the devil rides
Hell burns by angel turns her pillow to the cooler side

Something diabolical

Idle hands are bound for the
Damned once sam went down to georgia
Speed was forged of the divine salt
Mined from the vaults of flame by the lost
Named as those sought as faults rests beneath
The wrong that was spawned from the tired screech
Of essence halted engulfed in the scent of exhaustion
A false witness with the sensed end is brought
To bended knees when abandoned belief in
The mephistophelian plea for wicked unleashed sends
Heed to reap grim an infernally decreed
Reposession vested in the fallen called on to retrieve
Meed with the fueled intention of deprived intervention
The thundered calm that comes from the rattle of descension
Numbs the panicked from a havoc that reeks of oil
Barreling down this mortal coil

Heaven may be running on empty yet the devil rides
Heaven may be running on empty yet the devil rides
Heaven may be running on empty yet the devil rides
Hell burns by angel turns her pillow to the cooler side

Something diabolical

Tonight belongs to him
Tonight belongs to him
Tonight belongs to him
Tonight belongs to him
To him
To him
To him
To him

I'm Jimmy Pop here in a jiffy heat me up and add oil
I'm like a zit a wart a corn a cyst a festering boil
I get under your skin and I sebaceously form
I'm as deep as the plot to an amateur gay porn
Keep ya hungry for more like Bangladesh
Then I'll borg di borg do borg ya like the Swedish Chef
Cause I'm one of a kind and kind of hard to find
Kind of like an Injun without his fire water wine
I'm like Schneider one day at a time
I'm feeling like Bob Vila nailing up your behind
To my wall like Daniel-son does
I'm waxing on I'm waxing off I'm waxing just because
I get wired like a Western Union and I got to be me
And I got more balls than the daily lottery
Like hemorrhoidal itch yo you can't ignore me
Cause I'm more tongue and cheek than a lesbo orgy
And I don't give a damn if you don't like me
Cause' I don't like you cause you're not like me
And I don't give a damn if you don't like me
Cause' I don't like you cause you're not like me
And I don't give a damn if you don't like me
Cause' I don't like you cause you're not like me

Second verse is different from the first

I'm Jimmy Pop I am
Jimmity Jimmity Pop I am I am
See my name's not Hoover and I don't give a damn
And I got a different angle like a parellelogram
And you'll be all ears like a field of corn
I'll make you Dizzy like Gillespie as I toot my own horn
Like a No. 2 pencil I always got a point
You'll want to share it with friends like a poorly rolled joint
I'm Jimmy Pop y'all I'm Jimmy Pop y'all I'm an Alka Seltzer that's right you're a seagull
As I continue to expand your head is gonna burst
Leave a bad taste in your mouth like moldy Liverwurst
Like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre I'll get in your face
But then I'll brush you off like Aqua-Fresh toothpaste
Cause I'm letting off steam like a Chinese Laundromat
But I'm not a roll of Charmin so don't give me no crap
And I don't give a damn if you don't like me
Cause' I don't like you cause you're not like me
And I don't give a damn if you don't like me
Cause' I don't like you cause you're not like me
And I don't give a damn if you don't like me
Cause' I don't like you cause you're not like me

I hate a lot of whites and I hate a lot of blacks
I hate poopin' in public places but we all hate that
I hate lesbian feminists because they're all so damn ugly
I hate Spin Magazine cause they never ever plug me
I hate Regis and I hate Kathie Lee
I hate every single movie by that midget Spike Lee
I hate people that think I care what they think
I hate people that think their ass don't stink
I hate Jon Bon Jovi but I hate his music more
I hate killing people because I hate to keep score
I hate you but you hate yourself too
I hate to be honest but I'd hate to be you
And I don't give a damn if you don't like me
Cause' I don't like you cause you're not like me
And I don't give a damn if you don't like me
Cause' I don't like you cause you're not like me
And I don't give a damn if you don't like me
Cause' I don't like you cause you're not like me

(Different Voice than from Use Your Fingers)
Soon to be released on world famous Cheese Factory Records.

(Singing) Take the good, take the bad, take the gold and there you have
Facts of life, the facts of life

The obnoxious model-beating lead vocalist of a certain
chart-topping heavy metal glam-rock band, although he can't be
named for legal reasons, he sings your favorite mid-80's TV theme songs.

(Singing in the background) Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum
What might be right for you, might not be right for some

(Singing) Different strokes, different strokes to the world

Including that irresitable ditty.

(Singing) Charles in charge, of our days, and our nights

Available exclusively on Cheese Factory Records.

Ooh, that was creepy
I would rather slurp rancid tunasalad out of my own ass
or scour my boobies off with a rusty SOS pad
or hump a piece of splintered balsa wood.

*Growl*

Nothing heats up my jacuzzi like when
this used thong I found and bedazzled with gems
brushes ever so gently against some boobs.

I guess it's hard to believe that one man
could have a ponytail this sensitive and
distract an aggressive hawk that's cornered you.

I know my haiku's are freaking intense
but even the words I made up to sound French
don't express my feelings for your toilet parts.
I would show up for our pottery class
dressed like a pirate with John Water's mustache
On a unicorn that shits your name in stars.

Fucking's cool, but Jim is a romantic type.
Loitering on cliffs, thinking about stuff like,
Screwing you on the beach at night.(x2)

One milkshake, two straws.

Fucking's cool, but Jim is a romantic type.
Loitering on cliffs, thinking about stuff like,
Screwing you on the beach at night.(x2)

Don't I (Don't I)
Sound so (Sound so)
Sexy (Sexy)
Echo (Echo.)(x2)

Release the doves!

Dear Chasey Lain
I wrote to explain
I'm your biggest fan
I just wanted to ask
Could I eat your ass?
Write back as soon as you can

You've had a lotta dick
Had a lotta dick
I've had a lotta time
Had a lotta time
You've had a lotta dick Chasey
But you ain't had mine

Dear Chasey Lain
I wrote to complain
Ya never wrote me back
How could I ever eat
Your ass when ya treat
Your biggest fan like that?

You've had a lotta dick
Had a lotta dick
I've had a lotta time
Had a lotta time
You've had a lotta dick Chasey
But you ain't had mine

Dear Chasey Lain
I wrote to constrain
This letter is my last
As your biggest fan
I must demand
You let me eat your ass

You've had a lotta dick
Had a lotta dick
I've had a lotta time
Had a lotta time
You've had a lotta dick Chasey
But you ain't had mine

P.S.
Mom and Dad this is Chasey
Chasey this is my mom and dad
Now show ‘em them titties
Now show ‘em them titties
P.S.
Mom and Dad this is Chasey
Chasey this is my mom and dad
Now show ‘em them titties
Now show ‘em them titties

Would ya fuck me for blow?

Different Voice than from Use Your Fingers)
Soon to be released on world famous Cheese Factory Records.

(Singing) Take the good, take the bad, take the gold and there you have
Facts of life, the facts of life

The obnoxious model-beating lead vocalist of a certain
chart-topping heavy metal glam-rock band, although he can't be
named for legal reasons, he sings your favorite mid-80's TV theme songs.

(Singing in the background) Now the world don't move to the beat of just one drum
What might be right for you, might not be right for some

(Singing) Different strokes, different strokes to the world

Including that irresitable ditty.

(Singing) Charles in charge, of our days, and our nights

Available exclusively on Cheese Factory Records.

Ha-Ha! Well now we call this the act of mating
But there are several other very important differences
Between human beings and animals that you should know about


I'd appreciate your input

Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a Texas drought
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about
So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts
Yes I'm Siskel, yes I'm Ebert and you're getting two thumbs up
You've had enough of two-hand touch you want it rough you're out of bounds
I want you smothered want you covered like my Waffle House hashbrowns
Comin' quicker than FedEx never reach an apex just like the Coca-Cola stock you are
inclined
To make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time

Do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now

Love the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt only God knows where we stuck it
Hieroglyphics? Let me be Pacific I wanna be down in your South Seas
But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means "Small Craft Advisory"
So if I capsize on your thighs high tide, B5 you sunk my battleship
Please turn me on I'm Mister Coffee with an automatic drip
So show me yours I'll show you mine "Tool Time" you'll Love it just like Lyle
And then we'll do it doggy style so we can both watch "X-Files"

Do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
do it again now
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Gettin' horny now