But... I'm only afraid that time would catch up with me again. And I'll have to bury the smile once more, That one day, while I'm flying all alone I will realize I don't want to come back home.
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Subject: Re: my thoughts create my world~ Fri Feb 04, 2011 10:49 am
Always stays the same, nothing ever changes ... I'm in the basement, you're in the sky.
Hold your breath and count to ten, And fall apart and start again, Hold your breath and count to ten, Start again, start again... Hold your breath and count your step, And fall apart and start again, Start again...
I am sick of everyone. Sick of people. These days... Yeah, it's like... hazy days... you know?
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Subject: Re: my thoughts create my world~ Fri Feb 11, 2011 11:45 am
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Subject: Re: my thoughts create my world~ Thu Feb 17, 2011 12:14 am
Nemam toliko vremena da pišem, uskoro moram da se spremam za školu; ali nema veze.
Juče mi se ponovo vratio onaj osećaj. Kao da mogu da dišem. Kao da je sve prelepo. Dok sam išla u školu. Slušalice u ušima, hodam sama, vetar duva, vazduh je vlažan. I vetar duva, duva, duva. Duva. Osećala sam pluća, osećala sam svaki udah, kao gutljaj. Kao da je vazduh bio voda, ali prijalo je. Vetar mi je duvao u lice, u kosu, ali nije me bilo briga. A čudno je kako me ljudi gledaju. Ne mogu da prestanem da mislim na to. Kao da mogu da im čujem misli. Najgore je kad uđem u autobus, kada stojim zgurana sa njima, pritisnuta, kada mogu da im osetim misli, mirise, uzdahe. Toliko su mi odvratni. Došlo mi je da se okrenem ka onoj babi iza i kažem joj "Gospođo, samo zato što imam slušalice ne znači da vas ne čujem. A sada možete lepo da odjebete sa tim stavom, hvala."
Nisam. A, ne bi ni imalo smisla. Ona nije ništa rekla, ali znam šta je mislila. Znam šta su svi mislili. Znam koliko im je Tijana bolja, ona je ta koja se osmehuje, priča sa svima, javlja se. Ja pokušavam. Ali ne čuju moj glas. I više i ne želim. Samo ne shvatam kako mogu tako da sude o meni. Kao onaj tatin prijatelj, koji mi je letos u lice rekao da misli da je moja sestra bolja. Da nju više voli. Da sam ja...ja.
Pošto, kao i uvek, stignem na zadnju stanicu pola sata pre škole, otišla sam u park. Konačno je bio suv. <3 Sela sam na onu ljuljašku, ljuljala se, disala. Samo disala. Mislila. A u glavi mi je tutnjalo.
Jaaa hoćuuu da goovoriiim. Jaaa hooću da govoriiim. Jaaaa hoćuu da govorim.
I nije prestajalo. 20 minuta. Slušala sam jednu istu pesmu.
I onda sam se ponovo sjebala, kad sam krenula ka školi. Ka ljudima, što je najgore. Ljudima.
~
I onda sam ponovo išla peške, kad sam se vraćala kući. Tj kod babe. Nisu došli po mene kolima, hvala bogu. Dok sam prolazila, jedan mali me je šutnuo u leđa. Jedan šestak. Dva puta. Ne razumem. Zašto? Nisam reagovala, samo sam se okrenula.
Morala sam da se skrivam i od drugih koji su išli kući. Tako je prelepo biti sam, hodati mračnom ulicom, slušajući samo ono što želiš da čuješ. Nisam želela da se vraćam sa njima, nikada ne želim. I još jedan kraj. Dolazak. Ulazak u kuću, topao doček.
Želela sam da pišem. I jesam. Napisala sam jednu strofu i odustala. Sranje je to.
Jebi ga. Idem sad. Za 37 minuta ću ponovo moći da dišem. Kada krenem.
Posts : 2871 Join date : 2009-10-28 Age : 28 Location : in between?
Subject: Re: my thoughts create my world~ Sun Feb 27, 2011 11:32 pm
All alone in space and time. There's nothing here but what here's mine.
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Subject: Re: my thoughts create my world~ Mon Feb 28, 2011 11:19 pm
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Subject: Re: my thoughts create my world~ Sat Mar 05, 2011 10:29 am
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] Such a lonely day, and it's mine. ~ Happy b-day.
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Subject: Re: my thoughts create my world~ Mon Mar 07, 2011 9:47 am
Ne mogu da dišem od tebe. Ubijaš me. Gušiš me. Gušiš me. Bukvalno me gušiš. Ispunjavaš me mržnjom. Mrzim tebe, mrzim ceo svet, mrzim sebe. Samo tvoje prisustvo me davi. Ne mogu, prosto ne mogu.
Seems like there are no words I could use to express myself.
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Subject: Re: my thoughts create my world~ Tue Mar 15, 2011 11:19 pm
“Right now I feel guilty to be alive. Why? Because I’m wasting it. I’ve been given this life and all I do is mope it away. What’s worse is, I am totally aware of how ridiculous I am. It would be a lot easier if I believed I was the center of the universe, because then I wouldn’t know any better NOT to make a big deal out of everything. I know how small my problems are, yet that doesn’t stop me from obsessing about them. I have to stop doing this. How do other people get happy? I look at people laughing and smiling and enjoying themselves and try to get inside their heads. How do Bridget, Manda, and Sara do it? Or Pepe? Or EVERYONE but me? Why does everything I see bother me? Why can’t I just get over these daily wrongdoings? Why can’t I just move on and make the best of what I’ve got? I wish I knew.”
Posts : 2871 Join date : 2009-10-28 Age : 28 Location : in between?
Subject: Re: my thoughts create my world~ Thu Mar 17, 2011 9:48 pm
No matter how hard I try You’re never satisfied This is not a home, I think I’m better off alone. You always disappear Even when you’re here, This is not my home I think I’m better off alone Home, home, this house is not a Home, home, this house is not a home.
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Subject: Re: my thoughts create my world~ Sun Mar 20, 2011 10:12 am
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